That which threatened my being was coming from my own mind.
01 May, 2015
I thought I was awake. I definitely knew I was in the exact place I actually was in my bed and what time of night it was in any case. One after another, menacing threats arrived down our driveway to our house to harm us, or me more precisely. I tried to get help but every thing I tried failed. The lights wouldn't work, the phone wouldn't work, no one could hear me, no one came to my rescue. I had to face these unidentified one after another as they came to get me. After a long time of panicked and failed attempts to thwart them or reach out to another for help, I came to realise none of them had actually physically harmed me or even managed to get into the house. It was just the horror of knowing they were out there and wanted to. Exhausted I realised they were not actually succeeding in harming me. The relief only lasted a moment before I realised that they were all in my mind. This steady and relentless stream of oncoming attack, that threatened my being was coming from my own mind. This knowledge frightened me even more and I knew I couldn't stop it. I had an insight that I must be schizophrenic, suffering this multi-layered reality where imminent attack was always present, I knew it was generated by myself and I was powerless to stop it. Then I knew that was the reason no one was able to help me. No one would ever be able to help me.